Others Minded - Husbands

Ephesians 5:25-32

1. The Context

The end of 5:20 - "giving thanks at all times for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God even the Father". New paragraph really begins with verse 21 which sets the stage for the following passage: "submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God, wives to your own husbands in the Lord."

That is, the submission is to be a voluntary response to God’s will in giving up one’s independent rights to other believers in general and to ordained authority in particular—in this case the wife’s own husband. MacArthur

There is a sense in which the context demands mutual submission of husband and wife to each other.

She willingly makes herself subject to the one she possesses as her own husband (cf. 1 Cor. 7:3-4). Husbands and wives are to have a mutual possessiveness as well as a mutual submissiveness. They belong to each other in an absolute equality. The husband no more possesses his wife than she possesses him. He has no superiority and she no inferiority, any more than one who has the gift of teaching is superior to one with the gift of helps. MacArthur

2. The husband

Paul already announced the relationship between the husband and wife - headship. God's notion of headship and the nature of the marriage union as he designed it and as it existed pre-Fall are light years removed from the contemporary ideas of the family. Adam loved Eve before the Fall in the same way "Christ loved the church and gave himself for it". His love for her was sacrificial and influenced every part of his relationship with her, extending even to giving his life for her if required.

Because of the Fall, that sort of sacrificial loving relationship is atypical making it necessary for Paul to instruct his readers, husbands, what they need to recover. Remember what the overarching theme of Ephesians includes - God reconciling his creatures to one another through Christ in the church to the praise of his glory. Reconciliation to one another and restoration of the imago Dei extends to the marriage relationship and repairing it so it is an accurate representation of Christ and the church.

The relationship is to be characterized by love and of the sort Christ displays toward the church as is working out his ultimate goal for her.

Tertullian (ca. 155-230), in his address to his wife, written before he became a Montanist, describes the happiness of a marriage in the Lord in the following glowing terms:—“How can we find words to express the happiness of that marriage which the church effects, and the oblation confirms, and the blessing seals, and angels report, and the Father ratifies? What a union of two believers, with one hope, one discipline, one service, one spirit, and one flesh! Together they pray, together they prostrate themselves, and together keep their fasts, teaching and exhorting one another, and sustaining one another. They are together at the church and at the Lord's supper; they are together in straits, in persecutions, and refreshments. Neither conceals anything from the other; neither avoids the other; neither is a burden to the other; freely the sick are visited, and the needy relieved; alms without torture; sacrifices without scruple; daily diligence without hindrance; no using of the sign {of the cross} by stealth; no hurried salutation; no silent benediction; psalms and hymns resound between the two, and they vie with each other which shall sing best to their God. Christ rejoices on hearing and beholding such things; to such persons He sends His peace. Where the two are, He is Himself; and where He is, there the Evil One is not.” Tertullian, Ad Uxorem, Book II, Chapter VIII

Obviously no mere human can perfectly or fully model Christ's love including his ultimate sacrifice; however, if the husband is attending to his spiritual duties especially with respect to being filled by the Spirit, he will be able to love his wife with the same kind of love Jesus loves his own bride although in lesser measure. The implication is that Paul expected the submission of the wife to be gained by the love of the husband, something which could never be truly accomplished by harsh or forcible means.

As Christ loved the church and died for her while she was yet sinful and undesirable, doing so because it was his Father's will, so, too, should the husband love his wife because it is the Father's will. In healthy and godly relationships God graciously supplies romantic love between husband and wife, but as a complement to love for God demonstrated by love for the spouse. Yes, it is our duty to love our wives, but it is not solely our duty; it is to be our pleasure and delight as well. Stark contrast to the world's view!

God's purpose for the church is her ultimate holiness and he has purposed to do all that is necessary to accomplish that. In so doing, she is a living example of God's grace and power before a watching world. Similarly, the Christian marriage is to be a living example of Christ's love for his people and a "reminder" of how life should be for all mankind. Every human being has a sense of "oughtness", that branch of ethics dealing with how things ought to be in contrast (maybe) with how they are.

Since God has ordained the husband to be the head of the wife, that is, the "responsible one" in the relationship, the husband must take the lead in making sure the marriage is healthy. It is his responsibility to ensure that it is a proper copy of the model, at least insofar as is humanly possible. Even though Paul was to a degree mystified by the oneness of marriage, he still held it up as an attainable goal provided husband and wife live in absolute dependence on the third party to the marriage - Christ himself.

How Christ loved the church and gave himself for her - (see also Eph_5:2)

"The general idea is, that Christ's love led to his self-surrender as a sacrifice. He was no passive victim of circumstances, but in active and spontaneous attachment he gave up himself to death, and for such as we are - His poor, guilty, and ungrateful murderers. ...Jesus gave himself as a sacrifice in its completest sense - a holy victim, whose blood was poured out in his presentation to God." Eadie on Eph 5.2

We think that willingness to die is sufficient for a husband but he probably will only be called to that as a last resort. "When Jesus beckons us to come and follow Him, He bids us to come and die." Dietrich Bonhoeffer The reality is that death is where it starts - death to self, putting his own wishes and desires aside in order to meet the needs of his wife.

"The church did not crave his love: he bestowed it. It was not excited by any loveliness of aspect on the part of the church, for she was guilty and impure - unworthy of his affection. But his love for her was a fondness tender beyond all conception, and ardent beyond all parallel." Eadie on Eph 5.25

The command is to love as Christ loved - whether or not the wife craves it, whether or not she has any loveliness at that particular moment, whether or not she deserves his sacrificial love or not.

This is a self-sacrificial love, a love that impels the one loving to give himself in self-sacrifice for the well-being of the one who is loved. The husband has three other kinds of love for his wife, a love of passion (erōs), a love of complacency and satisfaction (stergō), and a fondness or affection (phileō). All these are saturated with the agapaō love of the Spirit-filled husband, purified and made heavenly in character. Wuest

"Wouldest thou have thy wife obedient unto thee, as the Church is to Christ? Take then thyself the same provident care for her, as Christ takes for the Church. Yea, even if it shall be needful for thee to give thy life for her, yea, and to be cut into pieces ten thousand times, yea, and to endure and undergo any suffering whatever,—refuse it not. Though thou shouldest undergo all this, yet wilt thou not, no, not even then, have done anything like Christ. For thou indeed art doing it for one to whom thou art already knit; but He for one who turned her back on Him and hated Him. In the same way then as He laid at His feet her who turned her back on Him, who hated, and spurned, and disdained Him, not by menaces, nor by violence, nor by terror, nor by anything else of the kind, but by his unwearied affection; so also do thou behave thyself toward thy wife." Chrysostom, Homily on Ephesians 5:25

The love a husband has for his wife is to be an exclusive love - Christ loves the Church as he loves no other. Obviously, for the husband, we are talking in the realm of human relationships; the love a husband has for God is like no other love either. BUT, he cannot pit the love he has for one against the other; he cannot use his love for one as an excuse to neglect his duties toward the other.

Why Christ loved the church and gave himself for her - (see also Eph_5:2)

She was the reward for his suffering. Isa_53:11-12

She was the gift of his Father, her Maker. Joh_6:39 Joh_17:11 Joh_17:24

Most importantly - it was his Father's will that he do so. Joh_4:34 Joh_5:30 Joh_6:38

Since believing husbands are part of the body of Christ, it is his will that husbands properly cherish that other part of his body which is also part of their own body, their believing wife. To mistreat his wife is to mistreat Christ and fail to do his will - remember Paul on the road to Damascus! see Ephesians 5:28-30

Why was it the Father's will? Because He is love 1Jn_4:7-9. Calvin on this text said, "he takes as granted a general principle or truth, that God is love, that is, that his nature is to love men. " And it was to demonstrate that it is his nature to love that he sent his Son that we might live.

To what end Christ loved the church

hina clauses:

that he might sanctify and cleanse her
that he might present her to himself a glorious church
that she should be holy and without blemish

Christ gave up his life that his Bride might be holy. Her holiness and purifying (all under the heading of sanctification) is accomplished through the ministry of the Word.

"That is, this inward ethical purification is accomplished by the Word of God having liberty in the heart of the Spirit-filled believer, displacing sin and substituting in its place, righteousness. The blood of Christ cleanses from actual sin, and thus cleanses the believer. The Word cleanses him in the sense above mentioned, water being a type of the Word of God." Wuest's Word Studies

Husbands do not have the resources to make their wives holy, but they certainly have great responsibility in that department.

"Let us not however be supposed ready to concede, in contradiction to what has been formerly contended, that where the true motive is wanting, the external actions themselves will not generally betray the defect. Who is there that will not confess in the instance so lately put, of a wife and child who should discharge their respective obligations merely from a cold sense of duty, that the inferiority of their actuating principle would not be confined to its nature, but would be discoverable also in its effects? Who is there that does not feel that these domestic services, thus robbed of their vital spirit, would be so debased and degraded in our estimation, as to become not barely lifeless and uninteresting, but even distasteful and loathesome? Who will deny that these would be performed in fuller measure, with more wakeful and unwearied attention, as well as with more heart; where, with the same sense of duty, the enlivening principle of affection should be also associated? ...True practical Christianity (never let it be forgotten) consists in devoting the heart and life to God; in being supremely and habitually governed by a desire to know, and a disposition to fulfill his will, and in endeavouring under the influence of these motives to 'live to his glory.'" Wilberforce, Practical View of Christianity

Everything Christ did during his incarnation (the case could be made that everything he ever has done or will do) represented loving obedience to his Father demonstrated by loving service to the church. He did nothing for himself but rather everything for those whom he came to redeem. But you say, "how can anyone be expected to never do anything for himself?" There's the great irony: our Lord said to his disciples immediately following his conversation with the woman at the well, "The food that keeps me going is that I do the will of the One who sent me, finishing the work he started." John 4:34 MSG

What excited, motivated Jesus, what gave meaning and fulfillment to his life was not doing his own thing, looking out for number 1, but lovingly obeying his Father. Self is never satisfied; Solomon proved that and told the story in Ecclesiastes. If the aim is to satisfy number 1, it will never happen in a lasting way; but if the aim is to satisfy God then we will find rich fulfillment.
Husbands, how can we love our wives as Christ loved the church? First and only by knowing Christ, by being enamored (smitten) with Christ, by loving Christ, by owning him as our Lord, by faithfully following his example of loving service to his Bride. To know him is to love him; the more and better we know him, the more and better we love him. The more and better we love him, the more and better we will love the brethren including our wives - if that is how we are to treat those who are spiritually related to us, how much more so the one who is literally our other half! See 1John 3:11-16.

Blessed Forgiveness

Psalm 32:1-11

People from all walks of life are seeking pleasure and happiness. We know them, we live next to them, perhaps we live with them. But it is not a new phenomenon. In the Garden Eve saw that the forbidden fruit was good, attractive and desirable so she sought to gain pleasure by eating it. Three centuries before Christ Epicurus developed a philosophical system that taught the goal of human life is "happiness, resulting from absence of physical pain and mental disturbance" Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy. In the language of today, "if it feels good, do it". Eve believed the benefits of satisfying her desire outweighed any potential consequences. Epicurus believed there was no life after death and so no need to fear consequences. Modern man believes he is god and will certainly never punish himself for pursuing pleasure and happiness.

All of these individuals failed in their pursuit, each fell short of the goal. The reality is that the consequences for Eve far outweighed her momentary pleasure; Epicurus discovered that physical pain and mental disturbance are unavoidable; and no man has yet been successful in elevating himself to godhood. Yet the lies persist, and sadly, many relentlessly attempt to achieve their supposed "unalienable right" to "the pursuit of happiness". Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy.

Even for all his faults and faulty conclusions, Epicurus did have at least part of it right: he "regarded the unacknowledged fear of death and punishment as the primary cause of anxiety among human beings". He believed "[t]he elimination of the fears and corresponding desires would leave people free to ... enjoy ... peace of mind". Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy. It truly is impossible for someone to enjoy peace of mind when they are fearful of death or punishment. Epicurus' problem was that his only solution was to deny life after death rather than deal with the real issue.

On the other hand, David's perspective on this issue of happiness is that it can only be found in the context of forgiveness. That concept is echoed by Noah Webster in his definition:

HAP'PY a. [from hap.] 2. Being in the enjoyment of agreeable sensations from the possession of good; enjoying pleasure from the gratification of appetites or desires. The pleasurable sensations derived from the gratification of sensual appetites render a person temporarily happy; but he only can be esteemed really and permanently happy, who enjoys peace of mind in the favor of God. To be in any degree happy, we must be free from pain both of body and of mind; to be very happy, we must be in the enjoyment of lively sensations of pleasure, either of body or mind. Webster's 1828 Dictionary

Thomas Watson in his book The Godly Man's Picture puts it this way: "true happiness consists not in beauty, honor, riches (the world's trinity), but in the forgiveness of sin."

"It is told of Luther that one day being asked which of all the Psalms were the best, he made answer, “Psalmi Paulini,” and when his friends pressed to know which these might be, he said, “The Psalm 32:1-11, the 51st, the Psalm 130:1-8, and Psalm 143:1-12. For they all teach that the forgiveness of our sins comes, without the law and without works, to the man who believes, and therefore I call them Pauline Psalms." Spurgeon, Treasury of David

A. Particular Doctrine v. 1-2

Blessedness or happiness:

1. Is not universally experienced
By describing a man as blessed who fits into a particular category, the Psalmist implies that there are those whom he is not describing here. To put his description in the negative - the man whose transgression is not forgiven, whose sin is not covered, to whom the Lord imputes iniquity. That man does not experience blessing or lasting happiness but is seeking it; in fact, no one is naturally blessed or happy.

2. Is prevented by:

a. transgression - rejection of authority and going beyond the bounds established by law; rebellion against God's law and covenant

b. sin - failure to measure up to God's standard for moral and ethical behavior; missing the mark

c. iniquity - perversion or misdeed; lawlessness; evil regarded as that which is not straight or upright; moral distortion
According to Keach's Catechism Q. 18. What is sin? the answer is that "Sin is any want of conformity unto, or transgression of, the law of God." CEF defines it as "anything we think, say or do that displeases God or breaks his laws".

"Note the three words so often used to denote our disobedience: transgression, sin, and iniquity, are the three-headed dog at the gates of hell, but our glorious Lord has silenced its barkings for ever against his own believing ones. The trinity of sin is overcome by the Trinity of heaven." Treasury of David

3. Can be found

a. forgiveness - take up, carry away; sin and its guilt is taken up and carried away from the sinner

b. covering - concealed, hidden from view; not concealed from God's omniscient knowledge of all things but from his judicial view.

c. imputation - charge, credit to one's account. Iniquity not being imputed to a person means

God does not charge them for their wrongdoing and expect payment to be made for the debt.
When God views the individual who has sinned but also been forgiven, God does not see their sin since it has been removed from them, covered and hidden from view, ultimately because it has been credited to another's account.

B. Personal Experience v. 3-5

1. physical deterioration

a. premature aging
b. constant physical pain
c. lack of strength

2. emotional distress

a. oppressive weight on his conscience
b. lifelessness - no interest in living

3. relief from guilt and curse - achieved through a process

a. repentance - came to the point of acknowledging his sin
b. confession - called his sin what God called it
c. forgiveness and reconciliation - received from God

Suffering under the oppressive weight of guilt resulting from unconfessed sin, David experienced many of the symptoms of what is often diagnosed as clinical depression. When he changed his mind, repented, of his sin and confessed it, God graciously pardoned him from his guilt and the penalty of his sin. Immediately David received both physical and emotional relief, experiencing peace of mind and peace with God as he was graciously and mercifully restored to a right relationship.

David had experienced such a great blessing he could not keep it to himself. In the very next verse (Psalm 32:6) he proclaims: "Based on my experience (for this reason) every godly person should pray, should repent and seek forgiveness".

C. Practical Application v. 6-12

1. Pray NOW v.6

Are you laboring under the guilt of unconfessed sin? Don't put it off - pray while you have a "window of opportunity", while God may be found.

Times of affliction and adversity will come; the promise here is that if you are reconciled to God, if you have repented and confessed your sin to him, those adversities will not overwhelm you.

2. Run to Christ v. 7

Don't run from Christ when you have disobeyed, when you have displeased him; run to him. Notice what David says here: "You are my hiding place". Unlike Adam and Eve or even David's previous behavior, he has come to the place where he hides in God and not from God. Recognize with David that there is only ONE who is able to preserve and deliver from trouble and distress.

Understand and know that Christ is the one to whom our sin is imputed, he is the one who made it possible for us to be reconciled to God - it is to HIM we must run, in HIM where we must hide. It is Christ and Christ alone who will keep us safe from the righteous justice of God, who will deliver us not only from our enemies but also from our sin and its just punishment.

3. Respond to his teaching v.8-10

a. Don't be stubborn

Christ will instruct us - through his Word and the preaching of that Word - he will cause us to understand how to live so that we displease him less. Further, he instructs us through the example of others - instead of learning everything the hard way, be taught by what others like David have experienced. Rather than obey the instruction of Christ because we must, we are to obey because we love him and desire to please him.

b. Heed the warning

As tempting as it might be to follow the ways of the world, it only leads to sorrow and grief. In fact, David's attempt to solve his problems the world's way brought him great misery - remember verses 3-4.

4. Find true happiness v. 11

a. in the Lord

Be joyful with your whole disposition - recognize tha true happiness, complete contentment is found only in the Lord and his ways. It is only He who can completely satisfy, who knows our needs and has all the means necessary to meet them.

b. in righteous living

If we are sincere in our "confession of sin and desires to secure the favor of God, He will show himself merciful, as He did to the psalmist.... The experience of the psalmist, therefore, as recorded in this psalm, should be full of encouragement to all who are burdened with a sense of sin. Warned by his experience, they should not attempt to conceal their transgressions in their own bosom, but they should go at once, as he was constrained at last to go, and make full and free confession to God. So doing, they will find that God is not slow to pardon them, and to fill their hearts with peace, and their lips with praise." Albert Barnes' Notes on the Whole Bible

Happiness is to be forgiven! It is an emotion that defies description. It is the relief of an enormous burden lifted, of a debt canceled, of a conscience at rest. Guilt is gone, warfare is ended, peace is enjoyed. To David it meant the forgiveness of his great transgression, the covering of his sin, the non-imputation of his iniquity, and the cleansing of his spirit from deceit.
None of this is possible because of any merit in us - it is entirely and absolutely all of grace, God's grace. To understand the gravity, the awfulness of sin, go to the Cross. More importantly, to understand the magnitude of God's grace and what our loving God has graciously accomplished on our behalf, go to the Cross. Because it is only in what Christ did in our place at Calvary that we can find pardon from sin, cleansing from guilt, a place of refuge and safety from sin and despair.