Others Minded - Families

Ephesians 6:1-4

Consider how the contemporary understanding of family and roles within the family have changed.

Definition of Family (Webster 1918)

1. The collective body of persons who live in one house, and under one head or manager; a household, including parents, children, and servants, and, as the case may be, lodgers or boarders.
2. The group comprising a husband and wife and their dependent children, constituting a fundamental unit in the organization of society.

Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary

1 : a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head
5 a : the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children; also : any of various social units differing from but regarded as equivalent to the traditional family

For something to "make your hair curl" see:
UNICEF Convention on the Rights of the Child

Just as God designed roles of elders and deacons, husbands and wives, so he also designed and defined the roles of parents and children. Here Paul deals with those roles as well as the spirit in which they are to be lived out.

1. The Context

The big context is: "to the saints who are ...faithful in Christ Jesus" (Eph_1:1), "to the saints and faithful brethren in Christ" (Col_1:2). The closer context is "submitting to one another in the fear of God" (Eph_5:21) and "whatever you do, do all in the name of the Lord" (Col_3:17)

Paul first addresses wives, then husbands, then children in his letter to the church!

So these children ( te,knon ) are seen as fully part of the Christian community, able to exercise their Christian obedience in this way and to view their conduct as determined not just by social convention but in the light of their Lord’s will (cf. also 5:10, 17). They are addressed as among those who would hear the letter as it was read at meetings of believers for worship in various households. The text is, however, irrelevant for discussion of the issue of whether infants were baptized as part of households in the early church (cf. also Meyer, 314; Abbott, 176; Gnilka, 295 n. 6). τέκνον, “child,” primarily denotes relationship rather than age and can be used of adults as well as small children. From the context, the children in view here have to be old enough to be conscious of a relationship to their Lord and to be appealed to on the basis of it, but young enough still to be in the process of being brought up (cf. 6:4). Word Biblical Commentary

The children here are presumed to be believers, the offspring of believing parents, all of whom are under the protection of a local church and its elders. This largely answers the question of "what are the limits of obedience? What if parents require ......?" Paul does not teach slavish obedience in all respects at all costs ("in the Lord", "this is right") and he expects children to develop discernment. BUT, a child's first response should be obedience, not questioning of the parent.

2. Filial responsibility

a. hear under - listen attentively with the intent to conform to authority; obey on the basis of having paid attention to

b. the reasons

i. it is what God considers right; it is consistent with what He expects as proved by the fifth command to honor mom and dad. Exo_20:12 Deu_5:16 Mat_15:4 Mat_19:18-19 Mar_7:10 Mar_10:19 Luk_18:20

ii. it is honoring of parents - "It is significant to remind oneself that giving honor or glory is to say that someone is deserving of respect, attention and obedience." TDNT

iii. it is consistent with Jesus' example

The love which Jesus showed to children, when he took them in his arms and blessed them, should induce them, in a spirit of filial faith and fondness, to obey their parents, and to regard with special sacredness every parental injunction. And that obedience, if prompted, regulated, and bounded by a sense of religious obligation, will be cheerful and not sullen; prompt and not dilatory; uniform and not occasional; universal and not capricious in its choice of parental precepts. Eadie

iv. God gave specific children to specific parents

The concept is not included in this text but it still applies. Job_10:10-11 Psa_139:13 To fail to honor parents is to question God's providential care of his creation. To dishonor parents is to dishonor God. God's most wise, loving and good purpose for a child is his parents; the same is true for parents.

"The love of parents to their children is mysterious and immutable, as well as self-sacrificing. It is a form of love which none but a parent can know. A mother’s love is a mystery and a wonder. It is the most perfect analogue of the love of God. As the relation in which parents stand to their children has this close analogy to the relation in which God stands to his rational creatures, and especially to his own people, so the duties resulting from that relation are analogous. They are expressed by the same word. Filial piety is as correct an expression as it is common. Parents stand to their dependent children, so to speak, in the place of God. They are the natural objects of the child’s love, reverence, gratitude, confidence, and devotion. These are the sentiments which naturally flow out of the relation; and which in all ordinary cases do flow from it; so that Calvin is justified in saying that children destitute of these feelings, "monstra sunt non homines." This endearing and intimate relation between parents and, children (which cannot exist where monogamy is not the law), binding all in the closest union which can exist among men, makes the family the corner-stone of the well-being of society on earth, and the type of the blessedness of heaven. The Church is the family of God. He is the Father, its members are brethren." Charles Hodge, Systematic Theology

Side note: disobedience is a mark of the rebellious unregenerate according to Rom_1:28-30: 28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting; 30 backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,

3. Parental responsibility

a. Act as parents - if children are to hear, there must be something of subsance to hear

i. First priority is to be the parent not the buddy

b. Fill the role, carry out the responsibility given by God to parents

i. provide for physical needs - 1Ti_5:8

ii. teach them the ways of God - Deu_6:6-9 Psa_78:4

iii. point them to Christ - Pro_22:6 Mat_19:13-14

c. Work together - mom, dad, the Lord

Along with both the Greco-Roman world and Judaism, it makes fathers ultimately responsible for the religious upbringing of their children. In its exhortation to fathers, Ephesians provides restraints on paternal authority, guarding against its abuse, and focuses instead on the Christian training fathers are to provide. Word Biblical Commentary

4. Specific requirements

a. Do not provoke to discouragement Eph_6:4 Col_3:21

i. provoking to anger, frustration or resentment

ii. common sources:

a) abuse of authority (injustice)

b) unreasonable expectations

c) favoritism

iii. repeated failure to satisfy/please results in absence of motivation, lack of spirit

b. Nourish them (bring them up)

i. training ( παιδεία )

a) the whole training and education of children (which relates to the cultivation of mind and
morals, and employs for this purpose now commands and admonitions, now reproof and punishment) It also includes the training and care of the body Thayer

ii. admonition ( νουθεσία )

a) to provide instruction as to correct behavior and belief Louw-Nida

b) ethical and corrective instruction in regard to belief or behavior Friberg Lexicon

c) both terms include both positive and negative - what is proper and consequences for what is improper